How Do I?

We gladly help our brides solve awkward problems that can arise when one is giving a party for 150 friends of the bride. No matter how organized one is, it is nice to have an experienced specialist - a knowledgeable consultant or certified wedding planner - available for face-to-face problem solving. Every wedding is unique and can have the problems that are presented by the 'people factor'.

• How do I handle guests who have responded to our invitations and state on the reply card that the number or guests planning to attend is larger than the number we've invited? If you guest count and budget can handle the number of "guests" indicated, chalk it up to bad manners on the part of those guests and just greet them with as much good grace as you can muster. However, if you guest count is already pushing over the budget and you truly cannot absorb the extra bodies, we suggest that you turn to your maid of honor, a tactful bridesmaid or family member who may know the offending guests well. Ask this person to call the guests in question and explain that the bride would love to expand her guest list, but unfortunately it is not possible. The reason? Budget, time, space concern! If the person is offended - and some will be - they are not true friends. Remember that they are the ones who have overstepped the etiquette boundaries. If you really want the invitees to attend in spite of their children  (and that's where many overages originate), you might consider adding to the reception card wording that reads "adults only reception". If you find that many of your invited guests are bringing uninvited children, you may just want to arrange for the children to be at a "separate" reception somewhere in the same venue where you can provide babysitters, TV, craft items, or games, and a separate kid friendly menu that is provided by family members!

Emergency Kit

You've planned a flawless wedding and believe with all your heart that it will go off without a hitch.
You family has thought about and planned for any eventuality. However, should "Murphy's Law" show up, the wise bride and her wedding consultant always have an emergency kit available!
What should go in your kit? These are the basic items we recommend for every kit. Add your own items as you see fit.

• A small sewing kit. At a minimum, be sure it has thread to match your gown, the bridesmaid dresses, the mother' dresses and the tuxedos. There should be a variety of needle sizes, small scissors, and a collection of extra buttons for your gown (if appropriate) for shirt fronts, safety pins and hemming tape just in case.
• A roll of Flash tape (double sided sticky tape). This is used to keep low cut necklines in place, among other handy uses. You can find Flash tape at Aliber's! 
• A small medical supplies box. This should include aspirin or Tylenol, Tums or other antacids, band aids, breath mints and some Pepto Bismol tablets. 
• A box of personal grooming aids. Include a hair brush for touchups, hair spray, (used for both hair and for eliminating static cling on fabrics), bobby pins, hat pins (for securing boutonnieres), you make up, mouthwash, deodorant
• Rolls of scotch tape and white gaffer's tape (you should be able to get at a local hardware store) These are to be used on emergency fabric tears and on bouquets if they come undone. Also bring a couple of sticks of white chalk to cover up stains on your white gown. 
• Other miscellaneous items include: a lint brush, a pair of ballet slippers or flip flops for when your feet scream "take off the heels!", a small hand towel and wash cloth, a couple of ziplock bags, Kleenex and a bed sheet to cover the floor of the dressing room to protect your gown as you step into it. 

Knowing that you can cover most emergency situations should give you peace of mind. Of course, when you are prepared, emergencies are less likely to happen! It is also a nice gesture to put together a basket of some of the above items and place them in the bathroom for your guests, in case THEY have emergencies! 

Planning - The Dress Quest

This is from the Martha Stewart Weddings Fall 2013 issue:

1. Set a Budget - We know, we know, cue the sad trombone.  However, shopping without a cutoff point is like driving without a gas gauge - trust us on this. Plan to spend about 10% of your overall budget on your dress. But consider this number a starting point. (Aliber's suggests 12-15%) If fashion is more important to you than, say, flowers or music, increase your dress spending and scale back in other places, says Mark Ingram Atelier, in NYC. Or, go easy on the gown and shell out for a great photographer or band if those are your top priorities. 
2. Start Early - Looking for a dress before you're even engaged is a bit much, but once you have that ring on your finger, it game on. It takes about 6-12 months from the moment you place the order to when you can bring the gown home. "The designer needs four or five months to make it and then you'll want to schedule three fittings, about one month apart" says Ingram. Giving yourself ample time also guarantees that you'll be able to fit in a variety of shopping experiences, from appointments at bridal boutiques to designer trunk shows. If you're short on time, don't worry: For a surcharge ($50 and up), anything is possible. "Rush fees vary greatly depending on the style of the dress, whether you're changing something about it, and how quickly you need it", says Susan Keng, director of retail at JLM Couture in LA. 
3. Do Your Research - Before you hit the shops, think about what kind of dress you want. Pull pages from magazines, browse our Dress Finder and online galleries at marthastewartweddings.com, and see our Pinterest boards for ideas. (Aliber's also has links to all our designers styles, along with a link to our Pinterest and Facebook pages on www.alibersbridal.com) Keep a folder where you can stash tear-outs, fabric samples, ribbons, and anything else you love, and use your smartphone or tablet to swipe through Pinterest boards. "At most salons, the majority of gowns aren't out on the floor", explains Ingram. "In order to pull the right styles from the back, your consultant needs to get a feel for what you're looking for. The more guidance you can provide, the better!"
4. Make Appointments - Once you have an idea of what you want, it's time to schedule appointments in a few different places, including bridal shops, department stores with full-service salons, and, if it fits your budget, a couture house. If you have specific designers in mind, find out which stores carry them. Most places don't operate on a walk-in basis, so call for appointments at least two weeks in advance. And while a Saturday slot may seem like a no-brainer, Keng warns against it if you're looking for a laid-back experience. "the store is almost always at capacity then", she explains. "The energy is a little crazy!" The better choice? "Wednesday, early afternoon, is the slowest", Ingram says.
5. Limit Your Entourage - On reality shows, brides always bring a whole crew of friends and family members to join in on the shopping fun. And every single time, there's loads of drama - and never the good kind. The takeaway? Less is more when it comes to companions. "Bring one or two people whose input means the most to you", says Keng. Otherwise, you'll spend too much time trying on gowns they pick out and steering the conversation back to the matter at hand: what you want. If you can't imagine not including all of your friends, "Invite them to your final fitting and make a dramatic entrance for the big reveal", suggest Ingram. "Then, kill two birds with one stone and ask the seamstress to teach your bridesmaids how to bustle your dress" 
6. Primp Beforehand - The great thing about most bridal salons is that they're designed to make you look (and feel!) good. The lighting is flattering, and the mirrors don't distort your frame. But do put some effort into getting ready for your appointment (just be sure to avoid spray tans and anything that could stain white fabric!!). You want to feel confident in the dresses you try on, and, "It helps the consultant get a sense of your style", says Ingram. If you arrive with wet hair and no makeup, it's a lot harder for the staff to pull dresses you might like. Bring any items you want to wear down the aisle - shoes or grandma's veil - and wear a strapless nude bra and a seamless thong or brief (keep in mind that you'll be changing in front of people!). But don't sweat your undergarments too much. While you don't want a purple bra to distract from a dress, once you find "the one", your consultant will tell you what to wear under it.
7. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone - A simple truth: Some dresses look like paper bags on the hanger and drop-dead gorgeous on your body. With that in mind, don't turn your nose up at anything until you try it on. "many women come in and say "I don't want strapless", says Ingram, "and then it looks great". It's the consultant's job to match you with styles you'll like, so give her the benefit of the doubt and prepare to be pleasantly surprised. That said, don't let a pushy salesperson (or your mom) sweet-talk you into a gown you don't love. 
8. Forget About Size - If you take away just one thing from this article, let it be this: No two designer size charts are created equal. If you're a size 6 in the ready-to-wear world, for example, you could be anything from a 2-12 on planet bridal. It can be jarring to see a larger number on the order form than you're used to, but resist the urge to get a smaller size. Taking in a gown is easy, letting out is difficult. "Besides, you can replace the size tag with a beautiful ribbon embroidered with your wedding date", says Weppner. "It's the perfect something blue" (Aliber's does custom embroidered monograms for inside your wedding gown!)
9. Track the Main Contenders - before smartphones became ubiquitous, snapping photos at appointments was a no-no. But now that it's nearly impossible to police, most places allow it - and that's great news for brides. (Aliber's has always allowed photos, we want you to purchase from us because we have great service!) After all, there's no better way to document your experience. The trick is to be sure whoever's taking the pictures is getting good ones (and only of the dresses you love). In a bad shot, even the most amazing gowns can appear sort of 'eh', and the last thing you want is to look at a picture of a dress you loved at the store and suddenly decide you hate it. We're not suggesting you stage a photo shoot; just pay attention to the lighting and angle, and give your stamp of approval before you move on to the next shot. And if a store doesn't allow photos, take detailed notes, make a pros-and-cons lits, and record all pertinent information (or make sure the store does it for you!)
10. Read the Fine Print - Repeat after us: No matter how excited I am about buying my dress, I hereby promise to read the contract. A good consultant will walk you through everything, including (but not limited to!) the price, color, style number and name, delivery date, deposit, estimated alterations fee, and cancellation policy. As for the deposit, "50% is standard - you should never, ever pay more than that", says Ingram. If you do, and for some reason the gown you ordered doesn't end up being what you expected, you could be out thousands of dollars. (At Aliber's, full payment is preferred, but 50% is required to order the gown, and we expect monthly payments afterward until the gown is paid in full) Another thing to take into account: sales tax. "Some brides forget about it, but it can add significantly to the price of the dress", Keng says. In some states, including California, New York, and Indiana, sales tax can be as much as 8%. Last, before you put down your plastic, give your gown the final greatness check. "There's so much pressure to get the 'perfect ' dress", says Keng. "The best way to do that: Pick something that you feel absolutely great in". Do you feel it? 
11.  

Advice for Guests

A lot of time is spent dealing with etiquette questions for the bride and groom, but there are guidelines for wedding guests as well. We like to remind guests that they have been invited to a very special party that is celebrating a milestone in the lives of the couple. Guest behavior guideline are important to consider as one has been invited to witness this event. The presence of the guests is part of their gift to the couple.

Here are some questions that guests planning to attend a friend's wedding commonly ask:

• How do I know if my 'significant other' is invited? If the bride and groom are more your friends than your significant other's, the envelope would be addressed to you only. The second, inside envelope, would traditionally be addressed to you and a guest or you and your partner by name. However, many couples today are eliminating the second inside envelope, so looking at who the invitation is addressed to may give you a clue. If that doesn't do it, check the language of the response or reply card for an idea. If you know the bride or groom well, you may ask them directly, or inquire on their web page. Don't be surprised if the invitation is to you alone if a smaller wedding celebration is planned. And don't be offended if your partner is not invited - the budget may not have allowed for it! 
• If I can't attend the wedding, but am sending a gift, when should I send it? It is ideal if you can send the gift two to four weeks before the wedding. Know that the bride and groom will be too busy the week of the wedding to do much with gifts. If you can't send it prior to the ceremony, you may send it after the wedding, but no late than two weeks after. 
• I plan to give the couple a check for a wedding gift. What is appropriate? It depends on how close you are to the bride or the groom or both. If you are lifelong friends and can afford it, be generous as you are comfortable being. If you are a casual friend, the rule of thumb is to consider the cost of your dinner and that of your guest. Plus, if you and your partner are attending and giving a joint gift, the guideline is to guesstimate the cost of dinner x 2 plus an extra - either the amount of another dinner or two. 
• When should I arrive at the ceremony? It is a huge guest faux pas to show up after the bride has walked down the aisle. The preferred attendance rules are for guests to arrive about 30 minutes prior to the ceremony, no matter how late you assume the bride will be!! 
• Should I take photos/video at the ceremony and reception? Most couples will make you aware if they have specifications regarding photo/video taking. The general feeling is that you are welcome to take photos for personal use, as long is it doesn't interfere with the professional photographer or videographer. It is always important to ask the couple for permission before posting any photos on a social media page, though, and ALWAYS stay in your seat while the ceremony is in progress! Nobody likes a guest who is being distracting! http://fstoppers.com/attending-a-wedding-soon-be-sure-to-watch-this-video

for idea and answers to more questions, call us at 413-773-3939 or email info@alibersbridal.com. We will always be happy to give you our responses! Remember, "No One Does 'I Do' Like We Do!"

WEDDING NOTES – WEDDING DON’TS

With all of the advice available to a bride on “What to do about…”, there are also a few “don’ts” to keep in mind.
#1 – An important reminder comes from the brazen actions of one or more pretend guests who – according to recent news casts- walked into three different wedding receptions and walked out with the gift boxes that contained cash and cards. (Cristen actually attended her cousin's wedding last year in Boca Raton, and this same thing happened!) Wedding planners continue to remind brides to make sure that someone close to her or a security guard hired for the occasion, be in charge of the gift table.  Don’t believe that just because you are having your reception in a church or well known club your gifts are safe.  Always make sure that someone you trust will be in charge of the gifts.  It is ideal if all gifts are sent to the bride’s home before the ceremony, but we all know that some gifts and most of the gift cards/cash are brought to the reception.  The table for gifts and the box for cards should never be out of surveillance.  And once all of the guests have arrived at the reception, the gifts should be either locked away in a room provided by the venue or entrusted to a family member for transport and/or safe keeping.
Don’t #2 – It is never correct to enclose gift registration information with your wedding invitations.  Some stores may offer to give you enclosure cards for that purpose, but politely decline.  Wedding guests have always found out where a bride was registered by asking a friend or relative.  Today they can add the bride’s web page to that information source.  Likewise, do not include in your invitations the corner copy that reads “Cash Gifts Preferred” or “Cash Gifts Invited”.  Really tasteless!!!!
Don’t #3- Don’t have a cash bar.  Having one is like inviting guests to dinner and then charging them for the food.  If your budget won’t cover the beverages of your choice, then pick other beverages.  Offer beer and wine.  Offer a special cocktail created for your reception.  Offer punch.  Have waiters pass champagne.  There are lots of creative options.
Don’t #4 – Never seek sponsors to donate things like liquor or wine for a mention or advertisement in your program.  That is so NOT DONE. Aliber's has been approached in the past by a couple who wanted their entire wedding to be donated by local vendors - and they wanted to label it as an 'advertising' venture for us! How tacky! To this day, it is one of the funny stories we tell.